i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
