i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
