Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
