nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
