Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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