Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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