when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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