isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is the high leading the old right now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
