Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize