Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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