Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
