oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
false alarm. still invincible.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just found a bag of teeth...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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