So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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