he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
