So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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