I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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