3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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