Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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