I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
