So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
