I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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