but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
