Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
