you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
