i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
