Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize