TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
