I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
