P.S. I can't hear my feet
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
did i just pee glitter
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