it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
