I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
