life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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