Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
