it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
