and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's rum buckets o'clock
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
