Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You made out with two different species that night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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