I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
