Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
