I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
