Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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