"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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