You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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