If that was your dad, he is hot
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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