Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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