dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
