Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
