flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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