You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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