dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I didn't shave. On purpose
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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