eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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