drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
