Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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