I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
