Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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