so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize