I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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