I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
