Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
