I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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