found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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